Current mood:	creative
Current music:	Rufus Wainwright "One Man Guy"

Fic.

Someday, Brian thinks, Justin will get over him. Brian knows this like he knows himself, like he knows the way to the bathroom while he’s stoned and drunk at the same time. He knows it in his gut, the same way he knows that he’s getting older and like the way he knows he’s aging, he loathes it with a passion.

Justin will figure out eventually that he doesn’t want to be tied down to a sad thirty-something one balled faggot, because he’s young and blond and could fuck anyone he wants. And he’ll figure out that instead of fucking his brains out every night, he’s with Brian, who’s more likely to stay in these days and work on a new account and sleep and maybe go out to Woody’s if he’s feeling good.

Brian knows something will happen because they’re never happy for long. The first time they were happy together, Justin fell in love with a dreamy eyed violinist whose spine Brian had wanted to break. The second time, Justin went on a heterosexual hating binge, and then Brian discovered the cancer. So it makes sense that something will happen again and maybe this time, Justin will be gone for good because he’ll have realized what Brian knew all along, that their relationship couldn’t last, because Justin shouldn’t be committed to someone at the age of twenty.

And Brian knows exactly what will happen. Justin will come over less and less often, and they’ll stop fucking, and Justin will say some pile of bullshit like, “I need some space for a little while,” and Brian will give it to him, because he won’t know what else to do.

And they’ll see each other at Debbie’s on Sunday nights maybe, because Debbie’s not the kind to be bothered by estrangements between her boys. And Justin will smile awkwardly, and one day, he’ll arrive late and say, “Sorry, I was with Aaron.” Or Jason, or Dan, or whoever the fuck, and Debbie will say something about her Sunshine and his love life, and Michael will glance over at Brian, who will be looking interestedly at the couch, because there will be a marinara sauce stain that should be removed without any further delay before it sets in.

Brian knows this with an overwhelming certainty, because Justin has left before, and he’ll leave again, and this time, when he leaves, he’ll realize that he doesn’t need Brian anymore. He doesn’t need Brian to soothe the nightmares, to massage his hand, to be his shield. He doesn't need a hero anymore, because he's figured out how to take care of himself.

Brian knows Justin will get over him because he knows Justin, knows him like he knows no one else, except for maybe Mikey. He knows Justin doesn’t love him nearly as much as he thinks he does, even if Justin does say so and kisses his neck like he's in love and feeds him soup like he's in love and helps clean up his vomit after a radiation treatment like he's in love. He knows that Justin doesn’t need Brian nearly as much as Brian needs him. And that’s why he’ll get over Brian. Because someday, he’ll realize that Brian is nothing special, he’s just some asshole that won’t say he loves him because he’s too fucking weak to.

And when that day comes, Brian will let go, because that’s love, not candles and wine and roses. Eventually, maybe Brian will get over Justin. But he doubts it.


Feedback much appreciated.

Edit: Be warned, spoilers up to 409.